I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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