Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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