id be glad to
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
