How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
