just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
