I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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