Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
