is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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