I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
