remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
