I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
