Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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