is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
