I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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