Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
