all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
