you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
