i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
