Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
