i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
