What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
