next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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