cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
