Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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