you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
