don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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