you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
