honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
