last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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