Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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