she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
