So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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