Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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