matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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