I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
