so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
