I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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