is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
