Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
