she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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