3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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