I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
