Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
