I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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