Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
