I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
