I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
