She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
