If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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