Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
