My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
