I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
