I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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