i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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