Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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