He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
